I have just driven from Berane to Kolasin, in Montenegro. This is a journey of some fifty kilometres. It was late. I was tired. I encountered four speed traps, at which I was stopped at two, despite making every effort to see the buggers before they zapped me. I must have been stopped by a traffic cop a dozen times in my Balkan travels but I have been fined only once. Here is my recipe for getting away with it.
1. Be humble. Apologise (in English) for speaking only English. They all speak English.
2. You must be a football fan even if, like me, you despise the game.
3. You must support either Machester United or Chelsea.
4. It is helful, but not obligatory, to know the name of one player on each side. If necessary, invent one, ending in -vitch, e.g. Ivanovitch, Borisovitch, Slivovitch, etc...
5. Do not declare your allegiance until the other party has declared his. Then express amazement that you support the same team.
6. Exchange high fives with the cop.
7. Drive, slowly, away.
Well Mr Mitchell, I'm back as 'anonymous' and on the company iPad. My anonymous status is only by virtue of my inability to select a profile that reflects my actual identity. You would appear to have been busy which is no mean feat given your pre-dispositions.
ReplyDeleteI find myself in agreement with your strategy for dealing with this situation. My experience has always been that given the choice between an indigenous and foreign number plate (or anything that looks like a hire car) they will invariably choose the latter. You may also want to attempt the following strategy, maybe higher risk than your own, but it has served me well. I always carry some of those now antiquated travellers cheques, when it comes to paying the fine I graciously produce the aforementioned cheques ensuring no local currency is in sight. The rigmarole typically lasts for less than two minutes before they come to the conclusion that there will be another unsuspecting, more pliant and liquid motorist following in my wake.
I should follow this with some small print disclaiming all responsibility for any attempted adoption of this strategy but frankly I spend too much time doing that during the day. If you are brave (read foolish) enough to try let me know how you get on.
It's a good suggestion but unfortunately it wouldn't work in Montegenro. In an attempt to combat police corruption, recipients of speeding tickets are now required to take the ticket to the nearest police office, pay the fine in local currency (or enjoy a night in the cells), and return to the place they were caught with the paperwork. I shall stick to my football fan strategy for the time being and hope that I am never called upon to explain the off-side rule.
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